To those who have lost loved ones:
I sat at the piano for a while tonight playing a new song. Heavy hearted I began to play an incredible tune by Hillsong and silently pray for the McCool family. “No we-eping, no hurt or pain, no suf-fering, you hold him now, you hold him now…” I couldn’t hold the tears anymore as I stopped playing. Names flooded my mind: Cory McCool….Katie Moore…Sharon Ivie Smith…Denny Doyle…Jason Tackett…Wanda Washington…Cai Larsen…why…why…WHY…
I don't understand. Even after I finish this, I won't understand. I will have godly perspective as I should, but I will not understand.
Death. It strips you of everything and leaves you with a taunt, “Now what are you gonna do?” I hate death. I hate funerals. I HATE cancer. If cancer were a person I would go to jail for murder. Sounds elementary, but you don’t know what people feel unless you’ve been told you have cancer or it develops in a loved one. Cancer is cruel…and even though it’s taken down many that I love, it can still be conquered.
We ask God for healing on behalf of our loved ones- but we scream at Him when they die. I wonder if He ever whispers when we walk away, “But I did. I did what you asked. I DID heal them…..just not in your will…in mine.”
I shoved the piano stool back as I swiftly stood up and walked upstairs. I collapsed on my bed. With tears streaming down my face staring at the ceiling fan I realized why they were taken…they lived their lives to where God finally said, “Well done.” They set their affections on things above. They weren’t concerned with church politics or position.
I have a long way to go before God says, “Well done.”
I am convinced that if we had a TRUE revelation of Heaven, we wouldn’t mourn as much. We would mourn, that’s unavoidable and human nature, but we wouldn’t mourn as much.
From now on, I won’t envision the “death” of the ones I loved, but I will envision Bro. and Sis. Lumpkin doing the Jitterbug on some clouds by their mansion. Katie is probably grinning from ear to ear…and I know she isn’t in any pain. Cai is probably chasing kids and designing a backdrop for the marriage supper of the Lamb. Sharon Smith is cracking EVERYONE up. And singing. Denny Doyle probably is polishing up his “Sam and Will” shrine. As for Kenneth Brady- he’s probably just taking a walk…possibly with Jack Shock…enjoying the scenery and asking God what’s what. And Cory…Cory McCool I would imagine is awestruck of the King without a fear of the future in his mind. He’s probably been singing the same endless song since he got there- and telling everyone about how they will LOVE his wife and kids when they arrive.
I’m setting my affections on things above- this world is not my home- I’m ready to get out of here.
“Where the streets are made of gold, in Your presence healed and whole, let these songs of heaven rise to You alone. No weeping, no hurt or pain; no suffering, You hold me now, You hold me now. No darkness, no sick or lame; no hiding, You hold me now, You hold me now.” -Hillsong
I don't understand. Even after I finish this, I won't understand. I will have godly perspective as I should, but I will not understand.
Death. It strips you of everything and leaves you with a taunt, “Now what are you gonna do?” I hate death. I hate funerals. I HATE cancer. If cancer were a person I would go to jail for murder. Sounds elementary, but you don’t know what people feel unless you’ve been told you have cancer or it develops in a loved one. Cancer is cruel…and even though it’s taken down many that I love, it can still be conquered.
We ask God for healing on behalf of our loved ones- but we scream at Him when they die. I wonder if He ever whispers when we walk away, “But I did. I did what you asked. I DID heal them…..just not in your will…in mine.”
I shoved the piano stool back as I swiftly stood up and walked upstairs. I collapsed on my bed. With tears streaming down my face staring at the ceiling fan I realized why they were taken…they lived their lives to where God finally said, “Well done.” They set their affections on things above. They weren’t concerned with church politics or position.
I have a long way to go before God says, “Well done.”
I am convinced that if we had a TRUE revelation of Heaven, we wouldn’t mourn as much. We would mourn, that’s unavoidable and human nature, but we wouldn’t mourn as much.
From now on, I won’t envision the “death” of the ones I loved, but I will envision Bro. and Sis. Lumpkin doing the Jitterbug on some clouds by their mansion. Katie is probably grinning from ear to ear…and I know she isn’t in any pain. Cai is probably chasing kids and designing a backdrop for the marriage supper of the Lamb. Sharon Smith is cracking EVERYONE up. And singing. Denny Doyle probably is polishing up his “Sam and Will” shrine. As for Kenneth Brady- he’s probably just taking a walk…possibly with Jack Shock…enjoying the scenery and asking God what’s what. And Cory…Cory McCool I would imagine is awestruck of the King without a fear of the future in his mind. He’s probably been singing the same endless song since he got there- and telling everyone about how they will LOVE his wife and kids when they arrive.
I’m setting my affections on things above- this world is not my home- I’m ready to get out of here.
“Where the streets are made of gold, in Your presence healed and whole, let these songs of heaven rise to You alone. No weeping, no hurt or pain; no suffering, You hold me now, You hold me now. No darkness, no sick or lame; no hiding, You hold me now, You hold me now.” -Hillsong
I am very impressed with this blog. Strong writing skills. Super depth. Clear insight. I was impressed with Kendra when I heard her testify and sing with the missionary kids in South Africa.
ReplyDeleteGod bless!
Jim Poitras
We had a great time in Jo'burg. While in the airport coming home, I learned that a good friend, from Oil City, La. passed away. Milton Rhoads built our new Bible school in Ghana in 1996 and has been a tremendous family friend, through the years. He died of cancer. I arrived in St. Louis, collected my wife and daugthers and rushed off to take part in the funeral. So, this blog has been a special blessing to me. Thanks, Parson's daughter: Kendra!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for posting, Bro. Poitras. We were so blessed by our visit to South Africa...my only regret is that we didn't have more time to get to individually meet so many of the people representing the nations there.
ReplyDeleteCancer has stolen so many of those we love in recent years...my father, so many of our wonderful church members, just 8 months ago, my close cousin, Ann Wolfe from Tampa, Florida and, most recently, Cory McCool....only 31 with a beautiful wife and 2 beautiful babies. It is a senseless, cruel disease, but we must never forget that God holds the keys to death and the grave.
There were many responses to Kendra's piece on Facebook. We were reminded that untimely death is a situation with which Christians grapple in a most frustrated way...and many times never resolve.
I will make sure Kendra reads your comments. Thanks for your kind words.
mbs