Thoughts from the Chair

Here is the chair:

Why this chair?  Well, because it just happens to be the most comfortable one at the moment.  And having been sidelined unexpectedly by a torn calf muscle 14 days ago, I have been spending way more time than I have wanted to in this chair.  I've been very creative in dreaming up ways to occupy my time.  I have:

• read a LOT on my Kindle
• paid bills on my computer
• played Boggle on my iPhone
• worked overtime Facebooking and Twittering
• found new templates for my blogs
• prayed
• read the Word
• made out all my Christmas lists
• watched a documentary about the Holocaust
• listened to millions of songs on iTunes
• finished my taxes for 2008
• caught up on conversations with my children and husband.  (However, I still have lots to talk about with them.  Won't EVER get caught up on that!)
• thought.  And thought.  And thought.  About lots of stuff.

Some of those thoughts I will share.  Here.  Others you will never know about.  :-)


So, my blogs may come closer together in the next few days.  I still have quite a bit more down time in this chair.  And a lot more thoughts.  Stay tuned...  

Where were you?

It was Tuesday morning...I was standing in my kitchen, washing a few dishes...preparing to leave for the church. It was going to be a hectic week. Today was the day we had been diligently preparing for...we were tired, sleep-deprived, and extremely excited. Mickey Mangun and I had talked for months, advertised, planned, worked...and the S.H.E. conference was scheduled to officially begin in about 10 hours.

When the phone rang and I heard the voice of James Owens on the other end, no alarm bells rang. James had been working diligently, also...he was doing all he could to make the conference a success from the technical end. But his voice sounded a little funny...."Ummmm....have you heard anything?" "No, about what?" "About the twin towers?" "No...what?" "A plane just flew into one of them."

To be honest, my first thought was "Why did he call me about this? This is really bad...I hate it...but I'm about to see him at the church..." I didn't grasp the magnitude of it. I said that was terrible and those poor people and I'm going to see what's online about it...and hung up.

Five minutes later, he called back and said the second tower had just been hit.

Something started churning then in the pit of my stomach...

When I got to the church, the towers began to fall. We were horrified...we were mesmerized...it was hard to put one foot in front of the other and hard to think and impossible to process.

Should we cancel the conference? Should we continue? I just wanted to go get my kids from school and hide in my house. The calls started coming in. Air traffic was grounded...hundreds of preachers wives were stranded in airports...some were caught in the Lincoln Tunnel in New York City...what to do? The decision was made to carry on for those who could get here....

Through the years, we've heard stories from so many of the women who were en route and became stranded and stuck in crazy places across the United States. One preacher's wife went through the Atlanta, Georgia airport and gathered up everybody she could find that looked like they might be traveling to the conference...they got together and rented a van and drove the remaining 12 hours, arriving at the end of the first night's events. Some turned back...all they wanted to do was to get to their husbands and children and hug everybody close. Some said they felt they HAD to get here.

Did we do the right thing by continuing the conference? I don't know. It totally drained us, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It took us weeks to recover. But testimonies from those who came have been incredible. They still ask if we will ever do it again. They were strengthened and encouraged...

Isn't it amazing? This incredible world-changing event...and we talk about where WE were, what WE were doing, and how it affected OUR lives. We want to personalize it. We want to make it part of who WE are. We want to become a player in the drama. Not so much that we are hurt or suffer, but we want to share in the impact of the event...we want to emerge unscathed, but we want the world to know that we participated.

Is that why Christianity sometimes seems so shallow in the lives of some people?

The cross was a major event. The resurrection was a major event. Pentecost was a major event. The life of a Christ-follower is major. Here I am. Pick me. I believe. I'm a part. I don't want to hurt...or suffer...or lose any part of my life in the process...but I'm participating!

What does it really mean to remember 9-11?

What does it really mean to remember His death?

Betrayal

I'm reflecting on betrayal today.

It happens to everybody...quite frequently. The Bible said it is inevitable that offenses come. It also speaks of "wounds of a friend." (It says they are "faithful"...but the word "wound" still implies pain to me).

We are able and encouraged to grieve death. It is a painful loss and a wound to the human spirit.

But grieving betrayal isn't quite as accepted. There is an unspoken message that we are to "just get over it." Oh it's okay to talk about it to somebody once or twice...but after that, shut up and move on. So we do.

And then, just when we think we've conquered it, something jumps back over the wall and here we go again.

I am wondering if the pain of Judas' betrayal was just as deep to Jesus as the pain of His crucifixion? He's definitely been there...He knows...He's felt the heavy stone of the loss of friendship and love and camaraderie deep in His spirit, too...

I don't really know who said it first, but I love it..."Bitterness is the poison pill I take hoping you die."

You aren't the only person in life to have been betrayed unfairly. Neither am I. Every person who has ever lived on this planet has experienced it. Even Jesus.

And the truth is, it will happen again--to you and to me--until life is no more.

So I purpose today to deal with it as it comes. Grieve the loss, ponder the motivation, search for my part of the process, and forgive. If I have to do it all again tomorrow, I will.

But what I will NOT do is allow it to tie me to a stake of insecurity, or distrust, or isolation, or lack of love, or bitterness.

Betrayal is an often understated, powerful tool of the Enemy.

Knowing that, I will face it head on and love a little deeper...forgive a little quicker...and continue to give of what I have to those who are in need. And know that there will be some who will take what I give and use it to become stronger...and then turn around and bite the hand that fed them.

They did it to Jesus. He knows. And He still died for them anyway.

I Am Sad

My friend...my dear, dear friend...Barbara Ann Willoughby...entered the gates of Heaven yesterday.

I'm supposed to be happy. She is no longer suffering. Her battle with cancer is over and she won! She is dancing around the Throne of the eternal God at this moment.

But it's hard for me to be happy.

My heart hurts. I ache. There is a tightness in my chest and a big round ball in my throat.

I will remember her with joy. When I say her name, I smile. But my smile quickly fades because I am still human. I am still here. I am still on this side of the river. And she is not. We are separated by an expanse called Death.

I am not tormented by questions...God is sovereign and He does all things well. He said "no" and He knows why. I learned years ago that He can be trusted no matter what.

Faith, to me, is defined as trusting Him serenely even when I don't understand or agree.

But I am sad. I am sad for her children. For Meghan and Barak and Mikayla. For the fact that she will not see them married nor hold grandchildren still to come. I am sad for Steve, who will continue his fight against his own cancer alone. I am sad for Tabernacle of Joy in Singapore who loved her without restraint. And I am sad for all of the ones who will never meet her...never experience her infectious joy or watch her graceful dance or hear her incredible laugh. I am sad for me and for my husband...for the fact that we four will never again ride the back country roads with no destination in mind just to talk and laugh and share vision and feel God and friendship and love.

My heart hurts.

To those who have lost loved ones

The following piece was written by Kendra on her Facebook page yesterday.  It struck a chord with so many...I am honored that she is my daughter and proud to be able to post this here...

To those who have lost loved ones:

I sat at the piano for a while tonight playing a new song. Heavy hearted I began to play an incredible tune by Hillsong and silently pray for the McCool family. “No we-eping, no hurt or pain, no suf-fering, you hold him now, you hold him now…” I couldn’t hold the tears anymore as I stopped playing. Names flooded my mind: Cory McCool….Katie Moore…Sharon Ivie Smith…Denny Doyle…Jason Tackett…Wanda Washington…Cai Larsen…why…why…WHY…

I don't understand. Even after I finish this, I won't understand. I will have godly perspective as I should, but I will not understand.

Death. It strips you of everything and leaves you with a taunt, “Now what are you gonna do?” I hate death. I hate funerals. I HATE cancer. If cancer were a person I would go to jail for murder. Sounds elementary, but you don’t know what people feel unless you’ve been told you have cancer or it develops in a loved one. Cancer is cruel…and even though it’s taken down many that I love, it can still be conquered.

We ask God for healing on behalf of our loved ones- but we scream at Him when they die. I wonder if He ever whispers when we walk away, “But I did. I did what you asked. I DID heal them…..just not in your will…in mine.”

I shoved the piano stool back as I swiftly stood up and walked upstairs. I collapsed on my bed. With tears streaming down my face staring at the ceiling fan I realized why they were taken…they lived their lives to where God finally said, “Well done.” They set their affections on things above. They weren’t concerned with church politics or position.

I have a long way to go before God says, “Well done.”

I am convinced that if we had a TRUE revelation of Heaven, we wouldn’t mourn as much. We would mourn, that’s unavoidable and human nature, but we wouldn’t mourn as much.

From now on, I won’t envision the “death” of the ones I loved, but I will envision Bro. and Sis. Lumpkin doing the Jitterbug on some clouds by their mansion. Katie is probably grinning from ear to ear…and I know she isn’t in any pain. Cai is probably chasing kids and designing a backdrop for the marriage supper of the Lamb. Sharon Smith is cracking EVERYONE up. And singing. Denny Doyle probably is polishing up his “Sam and Will” shrine. As for Kenneth Brady- he’s probably just taking a walk…possibly with Jack Shock…enjoying the scenery and asking God what’s what. And Cory…Cory McCool I would imagine is awestruck of the King without a fear of the future in his mind. He’s probably been singing the same endless song since he got there- and telling everyone about how they will LOVE his wife and kids when they arrive.

I’m setting my affections on things above- this world is not my home- I’m ready to get out of here.

“Where the streets are made of gold, in Your presence healed and whole, let these songs of heaven rise to You alone. No weeping, no hurt or pain; no suffering, You hold me now, You hold me now. No darkness, no sick or lame; no hiding, You hold me now, You hold me now.” -Hillsong

Help!

Well, not that this blog has a high traffic volume or a tremendous history of participation or anything like that...considering how I will go for WEEKS without posting when I get really busy...and all that sort of thing...BUT STILL...

I would really like some input here.  

I'm tired of attending and participating in events which answer questions nobody is asking and discuss ideas and principles that nobody even cares about.  

So....in light of that...whether you are male or female....please answer any or all of the following questions:

1. When you attend a women's event or a men's event, what are the topics you would most like to hear discussed?  What turns you off?

2. Who is the person you most admire and why?

3. What is the most fulfilling thing in your life and why?

4.  What do you worry about the most?  What keeps you awake at night.

Really hoping to hear back from you.....

Your Input Needed

Greetings!

I received the following email this past week.  I know that many of you who read this blog are very intentional about your home being the church and Jesus Christ permeating every aspect of your lives and the lives of your family. 

I feel this email asks a very pertinent question of which all of us would probably like to receive feedback.  I will give some of my thoughts and suggestions in a comment below the post.  If any of you have any comments and/or suggestions in this area, it would be so helpful if you would respond.  

We are all on this journey through changing times together.  We need each other!

Dear Sis. Melani:

Thank you for participating in the panel at Ladies' Conference in spite of your not feeling well.  Much of what you had to say truly resonated with me.  In fact, that is what has prompted me to write.  I would love to hear your practical ideas concerning "de-compartmentalizing" the spiritual and the natural.  I long to have that Jesus-centered home and strive to that end, yet I often feel like I am scheduling Him into our routine or pouncing on teachable moments rather than having Him eat, sleep, live, and breathe with us.  I would like very much to feel like the physical and the spiritual cohabit naturally.  I would truly welcome your suggestions and instruction regarding keeping Jesus in all things in our family.  We are truly blessed to have a wonderful family, and I long to allow Jesus to reap a hundred fold from all that He has sown into us.  Our children are 11 and 15. Thank you for any recommendations you choose to give.  

Sincerely,